7 Ways to Use Breathing to Improve Sex

Using breathing tactics isn't just for childbirth. Using different breathing techniques can heighten sexual awareness and improve your overall experience. Our resident sensual (and especially tantra) knowledgeable couple, Drs. Janelle and Rob, are back (they first talked about sensual sex). They're very passionate and well-versed in tantra, so we're especially glad to hear from them how couples can utilize their tips for better sex! Read on. 

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In the early stages of your relationship, you may very likely have experienced moments when at the touch of your partner your breath hitched, your heart sped up and the next thing you knew your breath caught up with your heart rate and came fast and heavy. Yet, have you considered just how important breath is to your intimate life with your lover?

Breath is not just about supplying your body with oxygen. It is far more than that. In fact, using your breath in different ways can enhance your sex life. You can heighten your experience, prolong orgasm, and even pierce the veil between the physical and spiritual dimensions. Keep reading to uncover 7 different ways to magnify and expand upon your lovemaking.

#1 Breathe on your lover

This may be the most obvious way to enhance your intimate play. Use your breath to breathe on your sweetie’s skin. Blow sweet caresses on his/her neck, chest, stomach, palms, inside of the wrists, and ears. Of course, it is also very potent to gently blow warm breaths onto his/her genitals. Don’t overlook placing your lips against the clothing and blowing warm puffs of breath through his/her clothing. This can be very exciting and those clothes may come flying off.

#2 Fan the flame

When you are trying to start a fire what often happens? You need to fan the spark and turn it into a roaring fire. Right? That spark needs oxygen to turn into a hot flame. As you are flirting with and playing with and loving on your partner visualize this. Imagine leaning towards that little spark and gently blowing until it turns into a raging inferno. In fact, you can do this visualization prior to touching your lover or prior to even being in the same location as he/she. Imagination is very powerful and with practice it can light your flame.

#3 Set the rhythm

Your breathing can control your heart rate and ultimately control the pace of your lovemaking. When you slow down your breathing you can slow down your experience. Yet, beware that slowing down your breathing too much can also cause you to lose your sexual desire. So, only slow down your breathing enough to prolong your lovemaking. Taking deep, slow breaths will allow more blood to flow into the genitals and this will enable the penis to swell more as well as the clitoris. This increase in blood flow will help you experience more sensation in the genitals.

#4 Orgasmic breath 

Think about it a minute. At the point of orgasm, you probably hold your breath. Most people do. What if you tried to breathe during your orgasm and at climax? This takes practice, but one suggestion is to release your breath with a vocal “oooohhh”. Another sound you can practice releasing at that point is “ooooommmm”. The “om” is more of a vibration than a word. This can vibrate throughout your entire body and your partner’s. Is there really a need for explanation of the impact of a vibration radiating throughout your bodies during orgasm? ;-)

#5 Deepen your bond with tandem breath

Breathing together in tandem can deepen your bond as well as get you in harmony with one another. Sitting facing one another get close enough so that your knees are touching.

You may also sit in the yab yum position (one partner sits cross-legged while the other partner sits facing him/her on his/her lap and wraps his/her legs around the bottom partner). Become aware of your breath. Then focus on inhaling and exhaling at the same time as your lover. You can do this fully clothed and out of bed or to heighten the experience you can sit in yab yum naked and in bed.

#6 Channel energy

Breathing moves energy through your body. As you become aware of your breathing you will become aware of your entire body and the sensations that flow from head to toe and back again. Breathe in deeply pulling energy into your root chakra (located at the base of your spine between the coccyx and pelvic bone) from the Earth. Hold that new energy there and focus on the spinning of that chakra. After a few breaths, move this energy up to the sacral chakra (located just below the navel) as you inhale. Again, focus on spinning that chakra with this increased energy. As you come together with your lover envision your root and sacral chakras blending your energies. This is the beginning of heightening the sexual energetic flow in your body.

#7 Use breath for visualization

Instead of thinking of breathing as taking in oxygen imagine you are breathing in your partner’s love for you and exhaling your love for him/her. Breath or “prana” in Sanskrit is considered to be the life force and is concentrated along the seven main chakras. So, visualize your partner’s breath as life giving love for you and your breath as life giving love for him/her. Become aware of the two of you sharing, blending and exchanging breath integrating your minds, your bodies and your souls.

We're so excited to get a couple writing for GetLusty! They're both adorable, smart and altogether wonderful!

Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. and Rob Alex, M.Sc. are writers, counselors as well as Sacred and Sensual Teachers. They recently completed an eBook on "Sexy Challenges: Sacred and Sensual Experiences for Lovers" which is on sale at Amazon! Learn more about them on Inward Oasis.

In 2 Days! Ladies Night Out: Exploring Female Orgasm

Just 1 day left to register! After our chat with Cheryl Sloane of G Boutique, we got a call from Michelle Herzog, MSMFT about her upcoming event at G Boutique. We were already set to feature the event and now there's even more of a reason. Michelle Herzog explains more why she's leading an event on female orgasm and why you must attend! RSVP directly here.

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Female Orgasm: It’s About the Journey, Not the Destination.

Female orgasm is something I have become very passionate about in the past few months. In preparation for a workshop I am giving in early November at G Boutique in Chicago, I began researching the female orgasm and all of its glory. What did I find? A Lot.

As a clinician, I see a variety of people who experience difficulty with intercourse and orgasm. In the U.S., we are taught a traditional model of intercourse, which frames sex as an activity and orgasm as the final goal. Think of this model as a game.

A game with a beginning, middle and end. Maybe a little bit of foreplay to start the game off right, throw in some intercourse when the players are ready, and by the end, everyone orgasms and calls it a night. Sound familiar?

It is my belief that how we feel and treat our sex lives should not be based on a standard (and very limited) way of thinking. Sex is fluid and different for everyone. Whether you orgasm or not, experiencing pleasure and connection with your partner or on your own can be a very powerful part of your sexual journey. I believe people can have fulfilling and amazing sex lives without the pressure of orgasm hanging over their heads. This is hard for people to hear because of how we are socialized to think about sex. Being open to new ways of thinking about and exploring sex are the first steps towards new levels of pleasure and excitement in the bedroom.

In my upcoming workshop, I will be inviting women to think outside the traditional box of what sex “should” look like. I will be educating about the different aspects of female orgasm, including the G-Spot and female ejaculation. Other topics include masturbation, mindful sex and orgasm-inducing techniques. Cheryl Sloane, the owner of G Boutique, will be demonstrating and educating about orgasm friendly products throughout the presentation. This is sure to be a fun and female friendly night out! More details can be found below.

Where: G Boutique 2131 N. Damen Ave. Chicago
When: Monday, November 5th at 7:15pm
Cost: $20.00
RSVP: Registration required. Please visit here to RSVP.

More about Michelle:

Michelle Herzog, MSMFT, is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in adult individual, couple and sex therapy. Michelle received her Master of Science degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Northwestern University as well as a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology from DePaul University in Chicago. Michelle is a staff therapist at the Center for Mindful Living, a boutique group practice specializing in the confidential treatment of sexual constraints. Learn more about Michelle at the Center for Mindful Living.

See the map below for G Boutique below.

3 Books on Giving the Best Cunnilingus

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Can I Be Multi-Orgasmic Again?

It's Orgasm October, so we've received several great questions particularly on orgasm. Occasionally, we get questions from readers that need special attention. This question was asked to us recently and we thought this might have happened to others in our audience. Moushumi Ghose, the Los Angeles Sex Therapist and our resident lady-who-knows-all is here to answer our readers' question.

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Dear GetLusty,

I used to be multi-orgasmic. Now find I come once every great while. It's caused me a lot of frustration, stress, and heartache.

I love my partner and we've tried to communicate, try new positions, and do things differently to see if we can find the elusive bugger.

But it seems to simply be impossible for me anymore and my sex desire is definitely suffering after four years of this frustration. I will try to explore with more curiosity, but is there a possibility that I'm somehow physically "damaged"?

The reason I ask is I can hardly ever find an orgasm even during masturbation now! This all happened after having the Mirena IUD inserted, (and remains a problem after having it removed). When I first got the IUD it pinched the hell out of my insides every time I came, and that's about when I stopped coming. After its removal I was able to orgasm again, occasionally. But never with the power or consistency of before. I'm not seeing any conversation about this anywhere online--it concerns me because they are really "pushing" that device on women--even after I had it removed they continue to ask if I want a new one. I asked my doctor whether it could have affected my Os, and he brushed off the question after flushing red with embarrassment. Have you heard of this?

Signed,
Hoping for more

Dear Hoping for more,

This is a great question. I am not a medical doctor, but from a psychological standpoint it is absolutely possible that your experience with the IUD has remained in your mental muscle memory. For example, you mention that you experienced feeling pinched when you orgasm’d and despite having removed it, you haven’t been able to return. In psychological terms we call this trauma.

The trauma of being pinched becomes a part of your past experience and now may be a psychological block to orgasming. You may be, unconsciously of course, afraid of the pain. Now this is, only, one theory. If there is some medical issue, a doctor would need to check it out. Since your doctor was embarrassed, I would recommend getting a second opinion to rule out any medical condition. Then, if this is indeed psychological, you can start to repair your brain. Trying new positions is one way, but you really need to feel safe and relaxed again.

Without those two components you are not going to orgasm. You also need to reconnect with your body. Practice breathing, is my first suggestion. Close your eyes and take 3 long deep inhales and exhales. Do this regularly throughout your day, when you’re at a stop light, at your desk, etc. Checking in with your breathing is the first step to becoming more in tune with what's going on inside your body.

My next suggestion is to, instead of trying new positions, try more sensual exercises that involve touch, massage, taking a bath, lightening candles, using scented oils, etc and involve the other senses such as smell, taste, and get reacquainted with all the things that bring you pleasure.

You can do these alone or with a partner. Also, putting less emphasis on orgasm, and more emphasis on the other aspects of love making is a good idea. Such as kissing, hugging, touching. Pay attention to how all of these sensations feel. Go slow, make your goal to feel pleasure, not to achieve orgasm, and you might be on your way to healing your inner pain.

Good luck,
Mou

This is a guest post from the well acclaimed Moushumi Ghose.

Moushumi Ghose is a Sex Therapist, Educator and Coach, Radio Host, Musician, and Filmmaker. She is licensed by the California Board of Behavioral  Science. She is a member of AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists). Mou also has extensive experience working with a variety of populations and diverse lifestyles.

Moushumi recently completed an eBook on, "Marriage, Money and Porn." and writes extensively for numerous other sites ranging from Men's Fitness Magazine to GoodTherapy.org. Find her on Twitter @motor_amour, Facebook and her website LASexTherapist.com.

Don't forget to comment below! Send them over to reply@getlusty.com and we'll get them answered!

4 Tips for Making Sex Amazing (Without the O)

It's getting toward the end of Orgasm October. We've talked a lot about orgasms. Having different kinds of female orgasms, surprise female orgasms, male multiple orgasms and beyond. It's totally normal to equate a really intense orgasm with great sex. What if we didn't have an orgasm? Tia Champagne is here again to talk about orgasms (or lack there-of) during sex.

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Like many other contributors have already mentioned, achieving orgasm between 2 partners in a relationship requires some practice, communication, and trust. There has to be mental and physical arousal for the body to really finish what could be the highlight of sexual intercourse. However, who said having an orgasm means good sex? Not me.

We all know the definition of sex. Whether it includes oral, anal, or purely penetration, but how many of us really know what good sex is? And does good sex mean having a more than happy, but orgasmic ending? What I'll explain here is not necessarily. When it doesn't, it's not the be-all-and-end all of sex. In fact, it can be an extremely satisfying experience.

Below are 4 tips to feel fully satisfied (and amazing) without reaching orgasm.

#1 Drop the expectations

Having wonderful sex isn't just about having clitoral or other orgasm. Don’t have sex expecting to orgasm. Sometimes, our expectations only lead to disappointment.

You know that cliché quote that says something about life being a journey, not a destination? Well, think of orgasm in that way. If it happens, it happens. But what happens on the way is super important too. Enjoy your time together--be intimate and open. At times, your orgasm will happen. Other times, you might just learn a thing or two about your partner you might not have known otherwise.

#2 Don't be afraid of quickies

For some women, a quickie could be a great time--with or without orgasm. The spontaneity, the rush, and sometimes, the funny awkwardness of it all could be the best sex you’ve had. On the other hand, some women prefer to take an hour--half of that for foreplay and the other for just intercourse. Take the time, even if your partner has a raging boner, to explore each other. If he’s impatient and needs his kick, tease him. Don’t let him get it until you’re ready, too. Teasing doesn’t necessarily have to start before sex—it can also happen during. Moral of this story? Enjoy what’s going on in the moment and don’t focus too hard on what could happen later.

#3 Focus on the fun

When you’re not expecting to orgasm, sometimes you focus on the new tricks you want to try. Backwards cowgirl could be uncomfortable at first for a lot of women.

Maybe the penis is hitting the cervix too deeply. She might feel weird with her anus in his face, or maybe her legs aren’t long enough to get that full bounce.

Either way, when you’re not expecting an orgasm, you’re more likely to change up your routine to learn what other positions turn you on. Taking a little time out to focus on the newness of it all could actually be the best thing you and your partner ever did.

#4 Use your six senses

While doing it, do a little bit more. Don’t just focus on your vagina or his penis. Bite his ears, suck his nipples, smell his hair. Using your six senses could arouse you in a different way than stimulating your clitoris. Watch his penis slide in and out of you. All of a sudden, your partner is your own personal porn star! Allow yourself to watch, listen and feel what’s going on with both of your bodies and not just between the legs.

Overall, orgasm is wonderful. And just one more time for fun-sies, orgasms do make sex a great experience. But sex can also be great without it.

What do you think good sex is and why? Let me know by sending an email at tia@getlusty.com. If you have any questions, concerns, or fantasies you’d like to share—go ahead and email me or leave a comment below. I’d love to talk to ya.

Call her Tia Champagne. She's a recent graduate of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. During her college career, she was part of a volunteer group called the Sexual Health Peers where she bonded with like-minded, sex-positive people from various backgrounds and orientations. She has taught workshops on STDs, birth control, safe sex, and relationships. It was one of the highlights of her college career and allowed her to get involved in Planned Parenthood of Illinois in Action. She was a Campaign Organizer who stood for the reproductive rights of women in Illinois.

As a third-wave feminist, she currently works in the makeup industry promoting what she believes in: women should feel and be as beautiful as they want to without scrutiny. She believes in teaching factual and healthy outlooks on sex and relationships as a way to create a sex-positive culture where future generations can thrive. E-mail me directly at tia@getlusty.com.

4 Ways to Start Meditating for Better Sex

Meditation seems to be a huge trend right now in the celebrity world with Orlando Bloom and Gisele Bundchen claiming to meditate. But its more than a mere fad. Meditation, like yoga, is thousands of years old! Its healing properties such as reducing stress and bringing about more mental well-being should have everyone meditating! But lets face it: meditation can be scary and intimidating. But, what if I told you that mediation can actually help you reach orgasms? Would you start chanting and making the sound of "om" more? Our Lora Swarts reports on how to get started with meditation!

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According to researchers at Brown University in Rhode Island, women who are able to train their mind and thoughts during sex will experience more pleasure. The study followed 44 students: 30 of whom were women and half of whom had taken a 12 week meditation course. The participants were shown a slideshow of erotic images. When asked to describe their reaction as calm, anxious or aroused, the women who were mediating already registered more quickly as feeling aroused. Meditation allows us to feel more and not get caught up in our own thoughts. When we focus on "feeling" more then we may have a higher chance of orgasming quicker as opposed to letting ourselves get caught up in our heads.

Along with my yoga practice, I love to mediate. Even if its for 10 minutes a day, I always feel more serene, calm, and have more gratitude. Mediation can lead to self-love, body awareness and more attention span all of which can help you with reaching an orgasm! Although orgasms shouldn't be the end goal of sex (that is just too much pressure on a person), it sure is nice to know that meditation can help us reach them! We have already written on some yoga poses to help you have better sex, now its time for some delicious meditation to improve our sex lives!

#1 Quiet environment 

First things first. Be sure to find a comfortable and quiet spot in your home, office, gym, wherever! In order to really go inside you need space and lots of quiet. Do not rush the meditation process. Start with 10-15 minutes and gradually increase your meditation time. Sit up straight and stay comfortable by resting your bum on a folded blanket. Its difficult at first to sit still but just know that you will reap the benefits soon enough. Just like anything it takes time.

#2 Breathe

Just as in yoga, breath is important in meditation. Using breathing exercising helps you get into a more relaxed state. Focus your attention on your belly with every inhale and exhale (feel it expand and deflate as you breath). Try inhaling slowly to a count of three. Then hold your breath for a count of three at the top of your inhale. Exhale for three counts. Once you get used to this style of breathing, increase your counts and hold the breath longer. Using your breath helps keep you focused and more aware. During sex, your breath can help you feel more aware and present. When you are relaxed and your mind is settled you can more easily orgasm.


#3 Personal mantra 

If counting your breath isn't helping you relax and focus, try a mantra or a combo of both! A mantra is a sacred word or phrase that you can speak aloud or with the voice in your head. Also, try imagining a peaceful place in your mind. Focus on this calm place, and let your mind go there. Focusing on your breath, mantra or image will greatly help you in reaching your personal peace. Need help developing your mantra?  Get started with "Om" which is the classic and sacred sound of Hinduism.

#4 Clear your mind 

When your mind begins to wander, non-judgmentally push those thoughts aside without labeling them "good" or "bad" and come back to your breath count, mantra or image. Silencing your mind is the pinnacle of mediation. Meditation is a journey, so just take it all in! When thoughts do enter your mind, and they will, impartially observe them and gently push them away until silence returns.  Eventually you will be able to control your thoughts!

Meditation brings about concentration, knowledge of self, better health, and helps us stay in the present and worry less about the past and future. Think about it. During sex, if you can concentrate more, detach your mind from disruptive thoughts, and relax, orgasming is just around the corner! So start "oming" to start having that big "O"!

 Lora is our Editorial intern and resident health nut. When she is not writing, you can find her on her yoga mat, exploring Chicago via bicycle, or spending time with her wonderful boyfriend and Beagle puppy in their north side apartment. She has a habit of spending too much money on soy lattes and yoga clothes. Find her on Twitter at @HoneyNutLo or writing over at her own blog! Have any questions? Email her at Lora@GetLusty.com

Ladies! 3 Surprising Types of Orgasms

Orgasm October has been teaching us so much already! We have already gone over six orgasms so far during this sexy month: clitoral, vaginal, mental, U-spot, A-spot and breast orgasms. We couldn't leave you hanging. So we are back with even more types of orgasms that the female body is capable of experiencing! How could we possibly have three more orgasms to share you ask? Well, ladies our bodies are that amazing and beautiful! Our Lora Swarts reports.

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#1 Skin or (zone) 

The skin orgasm can be brought about by massaging or touching parts of the body that are not directly related to the sexual nervous system (back of the neck, inside of the thigh and lower back).

Women can absolutely experience orgasm from a simple massage, or any stimulus to the skin because it brings on a relaxed state. If you aren't fully orgasming from this stimulation, don't worry! Touching is still amazing foreplay. Make it better by using a blindfold! Not knowing where his lips are headed is truly teasing and orgasmic.

Have you ever had an skin orgasm? Do leave a comment below!

#2 Anal

Women can experience orgasms from anal stimulation! According to The Journal of Sexual Medicine, women who orgasmed vaginally in their last sexual encounter was 65 percent. On the other hand, women who orgasmed from oral sex was 81% and women who orgasmed anally was 94%! Yeah, we were surprised, too. Check out the study here (pages 357-358). Maybe that's why women are more into anal than before or at least giving it a try.

For example, Marie Claire asked in 2011, "Is Anal the New Oral?" Quite possibly, yes! Dr. Jenn already given us advice on how to give better anal pleasure. But if you are totally new to anal pleasure, check out our anal sex mini-guide for couples! Don't forget about communication with anal sex (and all forms of new sexual activity). Also, we do recommend doucheing inside your anus and (rectum) for both men and women--before anal sex. Also, anal can be scary or nerve-racking for some women. So ask first, use a lubricant and go very slowly.

Do you have anal tips or tricks? Do leave them below!

#3 Oral or mouth  

Women who are sensitive orally can experience an oral or mouth orgasm. Kissing, licking, sucking, gently nibbling and even oral sex contribute to the mouth orgasm.

This type of orgasm can be described as beginning in the lips. Then, the orgasm spreads from the mouth to the genitals and then all over the body. Start with lots of foreplay! Making out is simple but can really send blood flowing to all over your body!

Have you ever had an oral orgasm? Do leave a comment below!

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Lora is our Editorial intern and resident health nut. When she is not writing, you can find her on her yoga mat, exploring Chicago via bicycle, or hanging out with her wonderful boyfriend and Beagle puppy in the north side apartment. She has a habit of spending too much money on soy lattes and yoga clothes. Find her on Twitter @HoneyNutLo. Have any questions? Get in touch with Lora at Lora@getlusty.com.

Touch-Free Orgasm: My Personal Story

Since it's Orgasm October, we're talking especially about orgasms of all kinds. To be sure, we love orgasms of all kinds (take a clitoral or g-spot orgasm for). Especially, what we've talked about before; hands-free, mental or 'thinking off' orgasms. So let's get personal. Monica Day of the Sensual Life is here to talk about her experience of actually having a hands-free orgasm.

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The strangest thing happened to me yesterday. I’m almost embarrassed to tell you, but once you see what it is, you’ll know why I had to.

After spending five hours waiting for Pep Boys to fix my blown-out tire and five days of rather intense relating with someone I am in a significant relationship with, I finally got on the road from NYC back to Philadelphia to pull the Mommy portion of my week.

Between the time it took me to get from Long Island City to the Verrazano Bridge, I’d had a full-up orgasm. While driving, no less. And hadn’t put my hands anywhere near my genitals, or any other part of my body for that matter! For a moment, I feared I might still be in the grips of it when I hit the toll booth. And wondered how I would navigate paying the toll while in climax!

After marveling at this phenomenon, and making a phone call to share it with said significant person, I continued along my merry way. Until around exit 7A. Guess what? Yup, another one. Bigger, stronger, longer, and wetter this time. Truly amazed, and with a little embarrassment even, I pull over to change my now uncomfortably wet jeans and catch my breath for a minute.

How did this happen?

Strangely enough, it all started with feelings of jealousy. Someone I have been intimate with for the last two years is now in an intimate relationship with someone else. Just minutes before I got in the car, I learned they had been sexual together the night before.

Now, this isn’t exactly a Tiger Woods kind of event. We have always had an open relationship, and it is more open now than ever. But there were a few wrinkles to the scenario this particular night that made it very tempting to go into a downward spiral of loss, betrayal and jealousy.

So, I’m driving along and tossing it around in my mind. Giving myself space to see how I really feel about it. When suddenly, my body starts having a very different reaction than my mind! I simply can’t hold onto the jealousy. Instead, I start imagining them together. Thinking of what they must do, how it must be between them. Then, I start to imagine myself included, rather than excluded, in the scene. And, well, you already know how the story ends.

Of course, I’m tempted to keep all this to myself. It seems, even for me, somehow too private and odd to share in this forum. And yet, I can’t help thinking there is potential for a serious revolution in relating to grow out of this odd little road trip of mine.

Have you had an 'interesting' or surprise orgasm? Our editors would love to hear from you! E-mail us at editorial@getlusty.com! Are you a writer? We'd love to feature you on GetLusty for Couples. Write for GetLusty!

Monica Day is the founder of The Sensual Life, and a writer, performer, workshop leader, and personal coach. She's been active in sex education and conseling for

Her signature workshop, The Essensual Experience, uses creative expression to inspire more honesty and open communication about your desires – which is the precursor to living a life you love, getting the love you desire, and having the sex you’ve only dared imagine. You can follow her on Twitter @thesensuallife, on her Facebook Fan Page, The Sensual Life, and at her website.