Podcast! Bonnie Gabriel on Talking Dirty

We've gotten several questions about the topic of talking dirty. We thought the best person to ask about pillow talk is the professor herself. As a speaker, educator, and author of the popular book The Fine Art of Erotic Talk: How to Entice, Excite and Enchant Your Lover With Words, Bonnie Gabriel knows better than anyone that there is much more to arousal than just the physical.

So GetLusty's Erica Grigg caught up with Bonnie to chat about talking dirty. The "Professor of Pillow Talk" had lots to say about introducing wordplay into the bedroom. Read on!


What we talked about:

• Ever want to talk dirty? Bonnie included many tips and ideas!
• While most people think erotic talk means "talking dirty," it is actually only one aspect of a much wider topic. "Erotic talk is any form of verbal communication that arouses desire," says Bonnie.
• Feeling self-conscious about opening up verbally with your partner? Start slowly with erotic questioning and ease into connecting words to your feelings.
• Learning how to be an erotic listener for your partner can be just as important as being an erotic talker.
• "Create an erotic safety net with words" by being with your significant other in a nonjudgmental way. Instead of criticizing your partner, tell them what you want instead. Also, acknowledge and take responsibility for your own reactions rather than blaming them on your partner, Bonnie recommends.
• Learn each other's trigger words - use the words that commonly turn both of you on, or make up some of your own!
• Having trouble knowing what to say? Read erotic novels to each other to become more comfortable with erotic language.

More about Bonnie:

Bonnie Gabriel, M.A., has been teaching seminars on verbal erotica in the USA since 1992. She is author of the Bantam/Random House book The Fine Art of Erotic Talk: How to Entice, Excite, and Enchant Your Lover with Words (available through Amazon.com).

Bonnie holds a M.A. in counseling from New York University and has taught at Bernard Baruch College (City University of New York), the New School for Social Research and NYU. Her warmth, wit, and wisdom make her a sought after speaker.

Called “The Professor of Pillow Talk” by San Jose Mercury News reporter Murry Frymer, Bonnie Gabriel has conducted seminars on sexual communication issues for such professional associations as the National Sexuality Symposium and the Association for Humanistic Psychology, as well as lay workshops for the Learning Annex, and sex ed classes for San Francisco State University.

To read more from Bonnie, visit her website and blog at lovetalk.org, or connect with her on Facebook and Twitter @PillowTalkProf.

Podcast! Eric Amaranth on Keeping Monogamy Steamy

Eric Amaranth took an unusual approach to his training as a sex coach by apprenticing under the legendary Betty Dodson for ten years instead of going to graduate school, but he wouldn't change a thing about it.

Now with his own practice, Eric uses his unique form of therapy to help clients with intimacy and adding novelty to the bedroom. We chatted with him and recorded his insights for your listening pleasure.

More on what we talked about:

• What got Eric into sex coaching? He noticed a need for people who could professionally teach how to create pleasure rather than simply treating sexual abuse or dysfunction.
• He apprenticed under Betty Dodson for ten years, forming a long-running professional, emotional, and physical relationship with his mentor.
• Although he and Betty were non-monogamous, there are disadvantages to adapting that lifestyle, Eric says; jealousy, especially when your partner's other lovers have a skill or advantage that you don't possess, can be one of the biggest challenges.
• A big challenge for monogamous couples? Adding novelty and variety to your relationship. Try new things, add them to your repertoire, and practice, practice, practice! Sex can lose its excitement even if you're awesome in bed, he says.
• Waiting for someone to come along to help you recreate an explosive first time experience? Don't hold your breath, Eric says. Don't get overly attached to an isolated moment because it pressures your partner to recreate an event that may not be possible the second time around.
• What does Eric recommend add novelty to a long-term relationship? Turn off the TV! Even if it's just for 10-15 minutes, re-orient your priorities and you may be surprised how much time is left over for intimacy.
• Want sex to be spontaneous? Even when sex is planned, add anticipation by sending sexy texts to your significant other throughout the day to help build up to the big event.

More about Eric:

Eric Amaranth is a sex life coach who specializes in women’s and men’s sexuality, basic to advanced sex skills, and high-end sex education. Eric is not a psychology-based “sex therapist,” which is the term that the public uses to refer to every professional in his field, regardless of training background. After graduating from The College of William and Mary, he went on to become the ten-year protege of pioneering sex coach Betty Dodson, PhD.

Eric’s sex life coaching is made for adults. He has knowledge and methodology differences that set him apart from what psychology-based sex therapists have to offer. Individuals and couples are guided toward the sexual relationship, intimacy, and connection goals they desire most. Upon request, he also coaches his clients on the holistic wellness and sexual health and STD information he has successfully integrated into his own life.

Amaranth believes that for the majority of people, appreciation of ourselves and our romantic partners is one of the best sustainable resources we have to continuously renew attraction, maintain respect, and stay in  love with our partners. This bedrock of deep appreciation is founded and reinforced by affectionate touch and breathtaking sexual capability. It’s what keeps partners close through the hard times. It makes partners and spouses into lovers, not distant roommates. It gives you hot sex as well as loving sex. It builds sexual desire and makes us feel alive and happy. This feeling is a crucial oasis. It lowers stress and improves our professional, marital and parenting lives. It also contributes to physical, mental, and emotional health and happiness.

Eric sees consistent success in his coaching practice with eliminating two things: clients’ infidelity interests or activities and considerations of breakup or divorce based on sexual problems and imbalances. Eric works with clients from all over the world toward his ambitious goal that his brand of sex life coaching would one day significantly reduce the instances of divorce. That’s the big picture that Amaranth wants to paint for people today and tomorrow.

Eric lives in New York City, in Manhattan, with his much-loved girlfriend. Connect with Eric on his website, www.sexlifecoachnyc.com, or find him on Facebook and Twitter @Eric_Amaranth.