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Tell Your Partner Who Else You Are Attracted To

No matter how much you may love your partner, it's only natural to still notice other people you find attractive. Whether it's an innocent glance or a full on stare, you'll still look at others and let your thoughts wander. On the other hand, if you catch your partner committing such an act, it is only natural to assume the worst instead of figuring that its simply an innocent check-out. Dr. Jenn offers her advice on how couples should handle this issue in which the answer is not deterrence, but acceptance.

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“You know, I thought that the person who waited on us at the restaurant last night was hot and I noticed I was attracted to them.”

How would you feel if your significant other said this to you? Would you feel insecure about yourself and freak out with jealousy? That is the likely response for many people.

We generally believe that it is not appropriate to talk with our current partner about how attracted we are to someone else. We learn that jealousy is the appropriate and justified response, since we have the romantic notion that our partner should never notice anyone else. If they do, our insecurities kick in, and we assume it means that we are not lovable enough, special enough, or good enough, and our partner might leave us. While this interpretation seems to be natural, it is not the only interpretation available.

It is natural to notice people you perceive as attractive, whether you are in a committed relationship or not. Pretending that it doesn’t happen does not make those thoughts go away. I think it is important to keep the doors of communication open around topics like this. Otherwise, when natural occurrences like this become shameful or judged, they can become more powerful. What we resist, persists.

I am not suggesting that you should share every libidinous thought with your partner. It could be difficult and downright overwhelming to hear continual commentary about who arouses your partner. I think that tact is important in building comfort in sharing around potentially sensitive topics. It is also important to learn that when your partner finds someone else attractive, it is not a reflection on you.

Why am I even recommending this at all? Because I believe people would be less likely to cheat if they established a foundation of openness and trust in the beginning of their relationship by sharing such topics. When we admit that we feel attraction to others, share this with our partner, and then choose to remain committed in our partnership, it creates a bond of trust and honesty that can bring couples emotionally closer in the long run.

Cross posted with permission from Dr. Jenn's Den.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, is a sociologist, sexuality speaker, and sex therapist, with a passion for challenging people to sexually think outside the box.

Dr. Jenn is a public speaker on topics including healthy relationships, love, gender, mindfulness, erotic play, and happiness. She counsels individuals and couples, in person and over Skype, to assist in creating and maintaining open communication and fulfilling intimacy. Dr. Jenn is a contributing writer for Pacific San Diego Magazine and is a sex and relationship expert on Fox 5 news and San Diego Living. Follow her on Twitter at  @DrJennsDen and Facebook.

3 Must Read Books on Anal

We have written a lot about anal sex. From the ultimate guide to anal sex to five must have anal sex toys, we have covered it. However, if you want to learn as much as you possibly can about anal sex, you might want to check out the books below! We have written on the best books for marriage, books of giving better blowjobs, and cunnilingus, and now we think it is time to give our bums some love too. Without further adieu, here is our pick of the three best books on anal sex!

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#1 The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women (2nd edition)
By: Tristan Taormino 

The second edition of Tristan's amazing book, has been revised and updated throughout. Tristan included all new chapters specifically for beginners and for women giving anal pleasure to men. This is a comprehensive and creative book on anal sex. Tristan Taormino offer the kind of informed reassurance that can encourage even an absolute beginner to explore this nerve-rich part of the body, either alone or with a partner of any gender. Anal sex enthusiasts may need no encouragement, but will welcome Taormino's sense of adventure and her detailed discussions of toys, fantasy play and positions.

Beginning by dispelling common myths about anal eroticism, Taormino goes on to illustrate anatomy, give tips on building trust and communicating desires, and provide reliable, easy-to-understand information on safety, preparation, hygiene, and much more. This new edition has been substantially expanded and revised to include new information on masturbation, anal health, BDSM and anal sex, and many other topics. In a new feature, Taormino answers actual reader questions.

Salon.com says it is "The bible of female anal sex!" and Time Out New York says Tristan "is the go-to girl on anal sex."

#2 Tickle My Tush: Mild to Wild Analplay Adventures for Everybooty
By: Dr. Sadie Allison

TIckle My Tush is a smart guide for men and women to the true pleasures of the under-explored seat of love. With Dr. Sadie's trademark tongue-in-cheek narrative, together with over 60 tasteful illustrations, this guide book clearly shows how to enjoy these newfound thrills-comfortably, safely, and pleasurably.

This book goes from "mild to wild" so curious couples can find their personal approach and comfort levels at their own pace. Be as mild as you want with sensual butt massages or anal finger play, or read about butt toys, innercourse and "pegging" to experience wild orgasmic sensations. Feel confident with the tips and techniques that dispel myths and skyrocket pleasure. This is the most approachable how-to analplay guide.

"If I'm gonna take advice from someone about my tush, it's gonna be Dr. Sadie. Her style and humor are pleasant and informative and she's not afraid to leave out any embarrassing or important details. Remember, that's where Cosmo gets its advice from!" -Eleni Solomou, Columnist, Cosmopolitan Magazine

#3 Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men, Women, and Couples

By: Dr. Jack Morin, Ph.D.

 
For many years the focus of fear and disgust, the anus is actually one of the human body's most wondrous creations- elegant, efficient, and richly supplied with pleasure nerves. However, stress and ignorance can turn the anus and its functions from a source of delight into a painful disability. What's needed is an owner's manual- and here it is!

Join therapist and sexologist, Jack Morin, Ph.D., on this tour of the anus, complete with information and exercises to open the door to new sources of comfort and gratification. You'll unlearn habits that can cause everything from hemorrhoids to chronic pelvis pain- and, if you choose learn new ways of achieving solo and partnered pleasures through this humblest of portals.

"Anal Pleasure and Health is the original guide to anal eroticism and still the greatest." -Michael Castleman, author, Great Sex

Lora is on our editorial team and is our resident health nut! When she isn't writing or editing, you can find her on her yoga mat, exploring Chicago via bicycle, or hanging out with her wonderful boyfriend in their north side apartment. She has a dangerous habit of spending too much money on soy lattes and yoga clothes. Find her on Twitter @HoneyNutLo or email her at Lora@GetLusty.com if you have any questions!

Lube 101: Wetter is Better

Our bodies are perfectly capable of providing us the tools for awesome sex. However, sometimes our bodies' natural lubricants just don't make for awesome intercourse in a pinch. (Think of the long, drawn out foreplay needed to get really wet, ladies.) As Megan Andelloux, the Founder and Director of the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health, said in, "It's easy to have not enough lube and harder to have too much". In this article, Dr. Megan Stubbs offers useful advice on kinds of lubricants, how to use them best and tips on finding the right lube for you.

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It’s time, once and for all, to finally dispel the myth that lube is only for older women! Sorry Superbad, but Evan was right to be packing some lube for his sexual adventure with Becca.

Biologically, we naturally lubricate when we are sexually aroused. The lubrication produced helps facilitate sexual intercourse by reducing friction between the vagina and penis. But we don’t only have PV sex, and not all of us are having sex just to procreate. We engage in all kinds of sexual activities and most of the time our natural lubrication can’t keep up with the duration of our sex sessions. The use of lube is NOT a sign that you aren’t turned on enough or a cop out. Lube is a great staple to include in your solo and partnered sex life.

Like the colors of the rainbow, lube comes in many different varieties. Lubes can be water, silicone, or oil based - each with their benefits. Some things to keep in mind while lube shopping:

Flavored lubes, usually water based, are great for oral sex although I would caution you to try them before you buy them. You don’t want it to taste like cough medicine, unless that is your thing. You can usually find small sample sized packs of lube, flavored and regular, in stores. Think of it like bulk candy, buy a bunch and see which ones you like!

I would not recommend pairing oil based lubes with latex condoms because it can compromise the latex leading to breakage. Not good. Use water or silicone based lubrication instead.

Silicone lube is great for extended play and anal because it won’t dry out as quickly as water based lubricant.   The taste, however,  can be unpleasant and clean up can be a little more involved. It is latex friendly but do not pair it up with a silicone sex toy. The two together will cause your toy to disintegrate and become sticky and no one likes a sticky dildo.

Some lubes are touted as “anal specific” because they contain the numbing chemical benzocaine.  I do NOT recommend the use of these and you shouldn't want these kinds of lubrication. You need to know when something is hurting and being numb in the rear region can lead to injuries.  Plus sex is about pleasure.  I doubt using a numbing agent is anything close to an ideal sexual encounter.

New to the market are organic and natural lubes, and no, these aren’t just for tree-huggers and hippies. These lubes are great if you have chemical sensitivities to paraben or glycerin. They are also good if you are prone to yeast infections because of the sugars in regular lube. And for the animal lovers, they now make vegan lube too.

So next time you’re about to get down, reach for some lube. Whether it is a solo or partnered session, make sure you are adequately lubricated. Put a few drops inside of the condom before you put it on your partner for added sensation for them or try some warming lube to keep things hot. If you’re feeling a little dry its ok to stop and add some more lube to the party. The possibilities are endless. Find out what works for you, and when it comes to sex, everything is OK here.

Cross-posted with permission from SexologistMegan.

Dr. Megan Stubbs is a Grand Rapids-based Sexologist. She holds a doctor of education in Human Sexuality from San Francisco’s Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a degree in Biology from Grand Valley State University. She also Board Certified by the American College of Sexologists (ACS).

Dr. Megan is a firm believer that knowledge is power and that comprehensive sex education is not only valuable to budding teens, but to all of society. This Sexologist strives to break down the societal norms that sex is still a taboo subject and wants to normalize the conversation. She wants to empower everyone into taking control and respecting their sexuality. Megan is monthly contributor to the number one night-time radio show in West Michigan, Holmes and the Freakshow on 104.5 WSNX and also appears bi-weekly on a morning talk show, Take Five & Company on WZZM 13. Follow her on Twitter @sexologistmegan and 'Like' Megan on Facebook.

The 10 Commandments of Sex & Food

Sex and food go together like peanut butter and jelly. We have already talked about why food and sex work so well together and how to spice things up in your kitchen. But when involving food and sex we should always follow a set of commandments. No one wants any spicy peppers or hot oils near our pleasure zones! Ouch! So if you are ready to bring some sexy food into your love life read on! Dr. Jenn is here with her 10 commandments concerning food and sex!

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Commandment #1

Many fresh fruits are sensual and nutritious. Choose five of different colors and shapes and create a fruit plate of foreplay.

Commandment #2 

Eating small amounts of dark chocolate is not only pleasing to your taste buds, it also raises your body’s endorphins.

Commandment #3 

Double the amount of time you usually spend eating a meal and chew each bite longer to truly experience the food

Commandment #4 

Pay attention to all five senses when you’re in the bedroom and be present with regard to the pleasant sensations felt in the moment.


Commandment #5 

Create your own aphrodisiacs – take turns once a week preparing or buying a meal or special food item that is all about pleasing your partner.

Commandment #6 

Eat a rainbow of fresh vegetables regularly for the high fiber and vitamins and minerals. A healthy you can lead to a healthy sex drive.

Commandment #7 

Spend 20 minutes eating an orange, alone or with a partner; be mindful of what it is like to make love to that orange.


Commandment #8 

If you are going to indulge in foods that you think are guilty pleasures, don’t feel guilty and just enjoy the experience (and the pleasures).

Commandment #9 

Never put sweet items in your vagina because the sugar can increase the chance of a bacterial infection.

Commandment #10 

Avoid foods that make you feel bloated and sluggish (fried foods, refined carbohydrates, rich cream sauces, saturated fats, or excessive sugar) – it doesn’t feel sexy!

Keeping these commandments in mind, go forth and enjoy your sexual experience with all your senses!

Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, is a sociologist, sexuality speaker, and sex therapist, with a passion for challenging people to sexually think outside the box.

Dr. Jenn is a public speaker on topics including healthy relationships, love, gender, mindfulness, erotic play, and happiness. She counsels individuals and couples, in person and over Skype, to assist in creating and maintaining open communication and fulfilling intimacy. Dr. Jenn is a contributing writer for Pacific San Diego Magazine and is a sex and relationship expert on Fox 5 news and San Diego Living. Follow her on Twitter at  @DrJennsDen and Facebook.

A Brief History of the Vibrator

We kinda love history. From the history of burlesque to dildos, we're a fan of understand the past and how it effects us today. Ever wonder how you lil' buddy came into being? We have already covered the history of the dildo, blow job, and Burlesque. Now it's time to discover where the vibrator came from! Dr. Jenn, (also known as Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD) gives us a quick and witty history of how this wonderful toy, or necessity, became a reality.

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Imagine it is 1880 and you are a London housewife. You are unsatisfied with your life, easily irritable, depressed and experiencing insomnia, so you seek a doctor for assistance. If you can afford Dr. Robert Dalrymple and his protégée Dr. Mortimer Granville, you would be diagnosed with “hysteria.” This was considered a plague of their time, a “disabling condition” for at least half the women of London. The cause of this plague? An “overactive uterus.” Here’s the best part: The treatment for hysteria was…(wait for it)…having your clitoris manually stimulated by your doctor until orgasm. I’m serious. This was a medical treatment to address the nervous system and help put a woman’s uterus back in order.

Luckily for Dr. Granville, the eager Dr. Dalrymple happened to have a friend and benefactor who was also a Lord of London and eccentric inventor. His latest invention was a steam-powered generator attached to a feather duster to ease the strains of housework. However, they saw the potential to extend this technology to ease the strains of Granville’s handiwork. The result? Multiple “paroxysms” in a quarter of the time. The marketability of this as a home product for the relaxation and health of women led to the invention of the portable home “massager,” the precursor to our favorite vibrators today.

I’ve known about the origins of the modern vibrator for many years, but "Hysteria" helped fill some confusing gaps for me. For example, how was it possible that the doctors didn’t know they were sexually pleasuring their female patients? How did they not know they were inducing an orgasm? Also, wasn’t this type of touching considered very personal and embarrassing? At the time, it was believed that women only experienced sexual pleasure through penetration of a penis. The doctors believed they were triggering a paroxysm which was understood to be a necessary outburst and release of emotion. And as depicted in the movie "Hysteria," the doctors provided their vulva massage to each patient behind a red velvet curtain, draped at the woman’s waist, to maintain modesty.

The history of the vibrator is confusing and truly ridiculous by today’s understanding of sexuality. Despite dabbling in serious topics, Hysteria takes a romantic comedy approach that is entertaining and accessible, but certainly not earth shattering. I recommend it as a worthy rental to tickle your sexual funny bone. And what movie about vibrators wouldn’t have a happy ending?

Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, is a sociologist, sexuality speaker, and sex therapist, with a passion for challenging people to sexually think outside the box. Dr. Jenn is a public speaker on topics including healthy relationships, love, gender, mindfulness, erotic play, and happiness. She counsels individuals and couples, in person and over Skype, to assist in creating and maintaining open communication and fulfilling intimacy. Dr. Jenn is a contributing writer for Pacific San Diego Magazine and is a sex and relationship expert on Fox 5 news and San Diego Living. Follow her on Twitter @DrJennsDen and Facebook.

Could Loving More Mean Hurting Less?

At GetLusty for Couples, we occasionally discuss polyamory. It can definitely be a viable alternative for couples looking to change up their relationship. You may not yet be ready for polyamory, as we aren't yet. As long as you have an amazing sexual relationship--that's what's most important! If you are polyamorous, does that mean you're less likely to be violent? How much does the act of defining your sexuality influence your life for the better? Technogeisha, our polyswinging and poly-advocate, is here to talk about how poly relationships might actually decrease domestic violence.

Quick editorial note: Why does GetLusty care about violence (or lack of it)? Talking about sexuality, we talk about where we've come. Since many of us (at least 1 in 5) have encountered violence--sexual or physical--which we're still scarred by, violence is an issue we seriously care about.

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Recently, in Long Beach, CA two girls decided they needed to meet after school to fight. A couple of hours later, one of the girls was rushed to the hospital and later succumbed to unknown injuries. What struck me about this story was the fact that this girl died just weeks before her 11th birthday and that they met to fight over a boy. I was trying to wrap my head around the concept that two fifth grade girls felt they had to meet in an alley to throw down over a guy like guests on an episode of The Jerry Springer Show. They only tussled for about a minute, no weapons were involved and no one fell to the ground. When others tried to intervene, some boys stopped them because they wanted to watch the girls fight. How does this kind of jealousy and rivalry start so early?

Since reading "Sex at Dawn”, I was beginning to realize that I’ve become more sensitive to news like this. There seems to be a steady stream of these crimes of passion. Plus, the news has no problem serving up stories like the astronaut who drove across the country to kill her rival, or the Orange County woman who cut off her husband’s penis and said, “He deserved it.” There are endless reports about people who suspect infidelity and then run off to kill or maim both their spouse and the alleged lover.

Up until recently, a man could be considered justified in a case like this and the charges dismissed. It’s the subject of books, movies, television shows and songs. The need to possess and control someone has been strong enough to make people react in ways from the extreme to the petty. It made me wonder what domestic violence and homicide crime rates would look like if people managed their jealousy and possessiveness better. Are people in open relationships less likely to let these feelings push them into hurting someone? Are there fewer instances of homicide and abuse among the non-monogamous?

Statistics

An extensive online search only provided general statistics, proving that there is very little research available on the subject. The Department of Justice Statistics state women are more likely to be killed by an intimate partner or family member than by strangers. Violence resulting in homicide against women was perpetrated by someone they knew intimately 30% of the time.

Homicide committed by a stranger was just under 9% with 28% as unknown. Conversely, only 5% of men were involved in intimate partner violence. It’s estimated that intimate partner violence claims the lives of three women and one man every day. These reports don’t get into detail other than gender, race and weapon, so there were no specific reasons behind these attacks. I had to search elsewhere to find more about what drives people to hurt their partner.

Why Hurt?

An interesting article on the TLC Family website by Jonathan Strickland tries to tackle the question “Why do we kill?” There is a percentage that has to do with anti-social behavior and a lack of empathy. Then, there is the emotional component that leads to the aforementioned crime of passion. Jealousy, revenge, anger and fear could provide sufficient motivation to lead someone to commit an act of violence. The desire to control someone emotionally and physically can also drive people to act before using introspection or dialogue to find a passive and proactive solution.

The book, "Why Do They Kill: Men Who Murder Their Intimate Partners," by David Abrams, found the reasons were less a “crime of passion” and more about long-standing grievances that escalate over time. Substance abuse, distrust, and a disdain for women were also factors that Dr. Katherine Van Warner (another prolific author on domestic violence) pointed out in an online interview about domestic violence and how it is derived from a patriarchal society.

Van Warner states, “But there are many other factors such as alcohol and other drug use which removes inhibitions, stress related to global competition as reflected in employment, and psychological factors, which may be the most crucial factor of all. The psychological portrait of the male abuser is of an insecure man, who is possessive of his wife/partner and who isolates her so he can control her. Typically, he has been abused in childhood. This man doesn’t know how to love and trust.”

Open Relationships

I had hoped to find a few statistics in the context of open marriages and poly relationships but came up empty-handed. I could not pin down whether people in open relationships reacted less violently than those in monogamous relationships, either. There is little desire in mainstream circles to document these statistics. Whether a couple is open or monogamous was never asked in either statistical reports or surveys. It seems easy to assume the answers lie only in jealousy and the emotions that go with it because of the information available. This makes it seem like the triggers for domestic violence and intimate partner homicide are more complicated than we might think.

Anti-social behavior, substance abuse and mental instability are factors that can’t be dealt with by simply keeping an open mind about relationships. Domestic violence happens even in open relationships. Embracing the open lifestyle doesn’t eliminate the prospect of infidelity, the feelings of jealousy, nor does it eliminate other factors in abuse.

The only thing open relationships may be able to provide are better tools and understanding to deal with it. More research on the subject may tell us if there is any decrease in the likelihood of violence in non-monogamous relationships. Monogamous couples can learn a lot from open and poly folk. Taking the time to rethink their reactions, taking responsibility for their own emotions and not to forcing others to change to accommodate their insecurities could help people when making life-altering decisions. It won’t save everyone but it could save a few relationships and might save a few lives in the process.

Cross posted with permission from Life on the Swingset.

Technogeisha loves to use her passion for writing and research to learn more about open relationships and sexuality. She looks forward to sharing her discoveries with all of you. She writes for Life on the Swing Set and contributes to Sexis Social at Eden Fantasy's and other sites. Subscribe to her Facebook feed on Miko Technogeisha and follow her on Twitter at @Technogeisha.

3 Stretches for Better Thrusting During Sex

One of the best things you can do for your sex life is regular exercise. Constantly working on your stamina as well as regularly using your muscles to keep them limber and strong is a direct payoff. So what is the down side? Getting into a regular exercise routine can be harder than we give it credit for.
Our newest staff writer, Brittany Meyer, is here to help with the top 5 stretches to enhance your sex live with being more limber for stronger thrusts.

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Comedienne Lynne Koplitz jokes that sex when you’re younger is an event. You prepare, stretch and eat lighter meals. We find it laughable. But why don’t we put more effort into preparing for sex? It is easy to see how needing to eat a lighter meal or going to the gym earlier that day could make obvious improvements in our sexual endeavors but so many people take these small tasks for granted. I can understand that we have many things happening in our lives ranging from fun to obligations that we cannot commit everything we do to our sex lives but we should all be taking small steps to help improve it.

For those of you in a transition period where you would like to be more agile for sex but are having time commitment issues, we would like to offer a medium! Regular stretching is one of the best ways to keep yourself limber and will help avoid cramping while giving you more energy. These can be done for 20 minutes as a morning routine or even a 10 minutes warm-up for the bedroom in the evening.

We use all the muscles in our body for sex but there are 5 major groups we recommend you focus your stretches on; Back, stomach, buttocks, hips and hamstrings. In Part 1, we reviewed hips and hamstrings. Did you see our other article on stretching other muscle groups for better sex? While we recommend you pay the most attention to the muscle groups you will be using the most (depending on the positions you prefer to do), these are the major muscles that you will typically use.

When you are going through these stretches, don't be afraid to incorporate small stretching techniques you are familiar with as you go to keep the blood flowing and keep yourself comfortable. As a reminder about stretching, always do it at your own level. The stretches described below are only the recommended procedure; adjust them to your abilities so you do not overexert yourself! Nothing is worse than pulling a muscle when you are working towards improving your sex life.

#1 Don't put your back out (the back stretch)

Why the abs and lower back?

Core power. The abs and lower back muscles are used for the thrusting motions of sex. Finnish researchers say that people with weak core muscles are more than three times more likely to suffer from lower back pain. Strong abs also hold your belly so it won’t flop over and get in the way of business.

This stretch is relaxing and a beginner level so it's very easy to do. This was aided by Discovery Channel's back stretch article.

How to get into it:

Lay on your back with your legs flat on the ground. Bring both legs up your chest. Then, grab the underside of your knees. Hold this for 30-60 seconds (always at your own level!) and then release and lay flatly on the ground again.

#2 Thrust with a stronger core (the ab stretch)


Again, strong abdominals--as well as a strong pelvic floor--is beneficial for multiple areas of sex, including improved thrusting, as well as more powerful orgasms.

While this is a common stretch, it is also low impact and reaches many of the muscles throughout the stomach.

How to get into it:

Lay on your stomach with your arms at your side. Using your arms only as braces, lay your forearms on the ground by your side and pull your upper body up as if you are looking straight forward while your hips stay locked on the ground.

Once you stretch those upper stomach muscles, you can modify the exercise to extending your arms all the way so you are supported by your hands flat on the ground with your hips still locked down. You will notice you will have a much more severe arch and will feel the stretch from your upper stomach down to your pelvis. Hold for 15 seconds at first and repeat for a longer time if you can.

#3 Get your blood pumping (with glute muscule AKA butt stretches)

Butt muscles (also known as glutes and hamstrings) are absolute wonderful when you're getting into various positions, including woman-on-top. Also, workouts for your lower body can increase blood flow "In your [bodies'] Southern Hemisphere" says explains Debbie Mandel, MA, a stress and fitness expert and the author of, "Addicted to Stress: A Woman’s 7-Step Program to Reclaim Joy and Spontaneity in Life."

Some may find these more helpful than others but since your gluts are integral with your hips, back and hamstrings, it is good to add some focus to this part of your body for maximum flexibility and comfort.

How to get into it:

Lay on your back again with your legs at rest and your feet flat on the floor. Cross your left ankle over your right thigh and grab the underside of your right thigh. Pull your thigh to your stomach bringing your foot as far in as you can to your body. Hold for 15 seconds. Switch and repeat with your right ankle. The easier it feels the longer you can hold the position.


Brittany just moved to Chicago after finishing her degree from FSU and arrived with a thirst to learn about everything that has to do with sex. Having been involved with The F-Word, The Vagina Monologues, amateur drag and a Human Sexuality course, she is a very sex positive lady. When she's not admiring architecture or looking for a design job, Brittany does stand-up comedy and thinks of ways to make people on the CTA feel uncomfortable. She also eats high-fives for breakfast.  Follow her on twitter @sedanimal. E-mail her at brittany@getlusty.com.

Disclaimer: This information is solely for informational purposes. It is not intended to provide medical advice. Neither the Editors of GetLusty for Couples, Passionate Productions LLC, the author nor publisher take responsibility for any possible consequences from any treatment, procedure, exercise, dietary modification, action or application of medication which results from reading or following the information contained in this information. The publication of this information does not constitute the practice of medicine, and this information does not replace the advice of your physician or other health care provider. Before undertaking any course of treatment, the reader must seek the advice of their physician or other health care provider.

Podcast! Cheryl Sloane on Pleasing Your Partner & Owning Your Sexuality

G boutique opened in Chicago in 2002 as a lingerie and sex toy shop owned and operated by women, for women. Ten years later, it is one of the city's premier boutiques for selling top-notch products in an environment that is both comforting and empowering for women. At GetLusty, we're all about taking control of your own sexuality, so we caught up with owner Cheryl Sloane and recorded it for your listening pleasure. Here's what she had to say:

More on what we talked about:

• Why the need for a shop like G Boutique? According to Cheryl, "To create an environment that promotes sexual education and a place where women can feel comfortable buying anything they needed for sex and romance."
• Her advice to newer couples who are still getting to know each other? Take time to find out what pleases your significant other and learn about them — while orgasms are great, there is more to a healthy relationship than just climaxing!
• Having difficulty achieving an orgasm with your partner? There may be lingering emotional, biological and physical factors involved, but relaxation and communication are key, Cheryl believes.
• What are Cheryl's recommendations for couples looking to keep things fresh and exciting? If you have an interest in something, research it and get the information first before discussing it with your partner, so you can have an educated conversation and explore those secret fantasies together. (Hint, hint — Check out GetLusty!)

More about Cheryl:

Born and raised in Chicago, Cheryl Sloane lived and worked in Bucktown in Chicago for 15 years before opening g boutique. Here's how it happened: Cheryl and (former co-owner) Kari wanted to write erotic fiction. 

After many brunches they got this crazy idea that Chicago wanted a boutique where women would feel comfortable buying everything they need for romance. Without a retail background, Cheryl called upon her theatre friends to help design a comfortable boutique where people would enjoy shopping. G boutique was always imagined as a place to build and support community. That was in 2002. Now, ten years later, she is thrilled to be helping people explore their intimate relationships in a safe, friendly environment. Connect with Cheryl and the g boutique staff on their website, on Facebook and Twitter @gboutique, or visit G Boutique, located at 2131 North Damen in Chicago, Illinois.

Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Pegging Reviewed

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Sexual Role Play 101 for Couples

Role playing is always a fun way to have more sexual adventures. With some negotiation and a safe word, and lots of consent, role-playing can be amazingly, orgasmic foreplay to sex or great on its own!

Tracy Cooper-Posey, author of hot erotic paranormal romance novels, is here with ways to get started with role-playing if you are a newbie! Get ready to have some fun with these great tips and inspirational role-playing ideas!

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Does the thought of her dressing up like a real hooker make you roll your eyes at the childishness of it all? If the idea of him playing doctor to your nurse makes you cringe or blush, read on.

You’ve been missing out on a whole, well, closet full of sexual fun and adventure. If you’re not sure how to start, or not sure you even want to, consider this: Sexual role-playing is one of the easiest and safest ways to spice up a committed couple’s sex life, and it has endless variations and possibilities.

But if you feel stupid doing it, it’s not going to work for you. You have to ease yourself into the role, the mood and the role-playing mindset. So, we’ve outlined a few simple steps for doing just that.

What is role play?

Sexual role-playing, apart from being enormously fun, usually involves you and your partner (but you can take your role playing public, if you’re careful), taking on roles in a sexual fantasy that is part of foreplay and highly arousing. The role-playing may or may not involve wearing costumes or clothing. It could simply involve donning a different persona or character. Some very elaborate role-playing can involve entire sets, scenery, props, and extras (additional people who are aware of the fantasy being played out and enhance it by acting their part).

6 role play ideas:

#1 Doctor and nurse 

Traditionally, the doctor is the man, but these days the roles could be played by either gender. However, the appeal of the fantasy is the costumes…and not scrubs, either!

#2 Tradesman and housewife

A strange tradesman enters the housewife’s home and the interaction that ensues is up to the couple….

#3 Photographer and model

The photography session starts out innocently enough… Slave and Master: There is virtually no need to explain this one. It is limited only by your imagination and personal comfort zones. Gender roles can be switched around for this one, too.

#4 Teacher and student 

I don’t think there’s too many men who haven’t enjoyed the idea of having a girl-woman in short pleated skirt and bobby socks at their command. Again, this is a fantasy that can switch genders happily.

#5 Hooker/Escort and client

From street walker to high paid escort, the variations in this one are endless. And with some imagination, the gender roles can easily be reversed, too.

#6 Stripper and client

You can make this as authentic as you want…or not. “No touching” adds an element of teasing that increases the effectiveness of any home-grown lap dance.


Create your own role play versions

The common element in all these popular fantasies is that they have a position of power in them. The doctor, the master, the teacher, the hooker, the photographer and the trademan are all able to control their counterparts in some way, either because of their positions of authority or because of the situation they are in.

These are not situations and roles we normally find ourselves in from day to day, which is what provides the rush of novelty and pleasure in role-playing. They are also often roles and situations that edge into dark areas of human nature, such as the master/slave scenario.

Because this is role-playing, it allows us to explore such situations in a way that is safe and consensual. As long as you and your partner thoroughly discuss your role-playing beforehand, even such role-playing as forced-sex is possible (see basic rules, below).

3 ways to ease into role play

#1 Start with something simple

If the whole idea of dressing up and pretending to be someone else makes your eyes roll, but you’re still curious about role-playing, then don’t dress up. Pick a scenario that involves only street clothes, or not dressing up at all. Keep it short and simple.

#2 Drop all your inhibitions and reservations 

The first few times you try role-playing, you have to willingly and actively cooperative to make it work. That means taking a deep breath, dropping all your skepticism, and playing the part assigned to you, no matter how silly you feel. At first you may feel completely stupid, but it passes. You have to get into the role and let your mind take over. Remember that your brain is the biggest errogeneous zone you have. Once you’re past the initial awkwardness, you’ll become aroused and after that you’ll wonder why you waited so long to try this.

#3 Experiment with more complex scenarios

As you become more comfortable and grow to enjoy role-playing, you and your partner can extend the scenarios, the costumes and the settings. The variations are truly endless.

5 basic rules to remember

There are some simple precautions you should bear in mind when role-playing.

#1 Preparation is key

Talk, talk, talk with your partner. Make sure you both know exactly what the scenario is supposed to be, and your roles within it.

#2 Know what is on the blacklist

Related to #1, but opposite. While you should both know what to expect, you should both know what not to do. What you partner is worried about happening (or not happening) within the scenario. No one should be forced into doing what they don’t want to do.

#3 Have a safe word 

The BDSM world provided this handy little practice and it’s a good one. A safe word has to be a word unlikely to be spoken within the scenario: “Pineapples,” or “Suffragettes!” Your partner can’t simply cry ‘no!’ or ‘stop!’ as these words may be part of their role-playing. But if they utter the safe word, you’ll know you need to cease what you’re doing immediately.

#4 Pick a scenario that suits both of you

You need a situation that turns you both on. Sometimes a simple shift in a situation (high class hooker rather than street walker) or costume (see through floor length robe rather than crotch-length satin) makes the difference so it works for both of you. If not, finding a different fantasy altogether might be necessary.

Don’t forget, what doesn’t work this time may appeal at a later date, especially if it’s only a luke-warm response. Don’t cross scenarios off your list forever. Circle back to them another time and reconsider them. Again, talking beforehand will smooth out a lot of the wrinkles.

#5 Deconstruct each role-playing occassion 

Quarterbacking after the game may seem cold and crass, but for role-playing it enhances the next occasion. Stopping in the middle of a scenario to make suggestions about language or technique can ruin the mood and the role-playing is broken, so discussion is best kept for afterwards. This is when you can--and should--provide as much feedback as you can to your partner about what worked for you and what didn’t, down to the smallest details, and including the language they used, any props, scenery, etc.

You should also tell them what you wished they had done. Your partner should do the same for you and you need to pay attention. It is the details that can ruin or enhance a fantasy. Each time you enact a scenario, and deconstruct it afterwards, you are getting a step closer to your partner’s ideal fantasies… and yours. 

Tracy Cooper-Posey is a #1 Amazon best selling indie author of hot erotic paranormal romance and romantic suspense. She has been nominated for 5 CAPAs including Favourite Author, and won the Emma Darcy Award. Her books have been nominated three times for Book Of The Year. On her popular blog she posts about MMF romance, vampires sexuality and the intersection of fiction and sex. An Australian, she lives in Edmonton, Canada with her husband, a professional wrestler. Find Tracy at her blog, Facebook, Twitter @TracyCP or  at Amazon!

5 Surprise Places to Have Crazy Apartment Sex

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Erotic Story! 50-Shades of the Unexpected Orgasm

We first came upon Dr. Limor on accident and have been so glad we did. The second in her series of erotic stories (check out her first 50-shades inspired erotic story), Dr. Limor is an awesome writer and we love her erotic stories! Sunday is probably the best day to enjoy these stories, so we thought we'd add a little to your foreplay today with a sultry story.

* * *

A friend of mine told me about a well-established producer holding auditions in his house. I have been an aspiring actress since high school, so naturally this opportunity seemed just right for me. For the sake of disclosure, I do realize that given the auditions taking place at his house, it probably has to do with more than reading lines but the GPS takes me to his address.

I check my makeup in the mirror and tell myself, “You’ll ace it. this is nothing, walk in the park!". As I approach the front gate, I hear sounds from the back yard. The voyeur in me can’t help it and I’m forced to sneak quietly and take a peek.

I lean against the wall to avoid being seen and can’t believe my eyes: four very sexy women, two are blond, one brunette and one black, are playing insane sexual pleasuring games together. The two blondes have the brunette wide open on the floor next to the pool; they’re caressing her large breasts, licking her nipples and alternately massaging her wet vagina that looks engorged and sensitive.

The left blond shifts her lips, kisses the brunette passionately. Then, signals her "accomplice” to take charge of the brunette’s upper body, as she slowly crawls down, intensely licking her bottom lips, pushing her fingers in her quivering vagina and anus. The brunette growls and moans uncontrollably, as team blond keeps pleasuring her curvaceous body.

After a while, bottom blond jumps up and quickly walks toward the cabana. The black girl is playing with a large vibrator, pushing it in hard into her vagina while glaring at the playing trio. She appears blurry eyed and very close to an orgasm, as she rubs her nipples and moans.

I’m so turned on and soaking wet at this point, that I sit myself down on the ground, taking off my thong and start playing with my clit. I can’t control it! I’m totally heterosexual, but this female on female act is driving me off the wall, and I just want to be taken by these women.

Dominant blond returns with a huge butt plug. The brunette raises her body, kissing both women and gets on all fours, spreading her sizzling thighs apart.

The blondes are kissing, checking the wetness of their play object down on the floor, and spray the plug with what seems like a scented oil lubricant. Dominant blonde starts pushing the plug into the brunette’s tight anus, as her partner caresses her clit, to ease penetration. The brunette squirms in agonizing pleasure, shifting her behind back towards the enormous plug splitting her ass apart. The black woman, loving the new act notes “Oh yes, fuck her tight ass, please fuck her hard” she finishes with a glorious orgasm. The brunette is more comfortable and wide now, craving that big dildo, as team blonde speeds up penetration.

I lie on the dirt, grabbing my nipple and caressing my swollen clit till I can’t take it! I’m just about to cum, as I notice them shooting the plug out of the brunette’s tight hole. Her ass is gaping with anticipation as they admire it and lick it for the finale. This visual sends me over the edge and I cum, gasping quietly, holding my immense need to scream in pleasure.

I lie paralyzed in a sweet pool of my own secretions, I miss the final act and just listen as team blonde has the brunette climax intensely! Minutes pass, the party takes it in the house and I’m forced to peel myself of the ground and clean up. “What the hell am I doing? I forgot all about the interview and just about anything else I had planned for the day”. I check my phone, no missed calls. I guess I’m not that late if no one called.

I put my panties in my bag, my short dress tightens over my sweaty body ,my nipples threaten to tear it off. Ten minutes later, after a short stop in my car to reapply moisturizer and lipstick, I notice the black girl and the brunette leaving together, giggling. I lower myself in my seat, they don’t notice me.

I wait for them to leave and march confidently towards the front door. A few minutes pass, I’m almost ready to leave, as the dominant blonde opens the door in a small white towel.

“Hi honey, are you here for the audition? Come in, don’t be shy”. She takes my hand and welcomes me in the house.

“Yes. Is George home? I think our meeting was scheduled for 4:00 pm” I answer.

“Yes, I’m sure he’ll be here soon, come sit down on the sofa, let me get you some water, you look flushed. Are you OK?”. She puts her cool hand on my face, I feel my nipples erect again.

I sit down crossing my legs. When she comes back with a glass of water, she notices my bare bottom under the dress. Her eyes open wide and she smiles. “Here beautiful, let me get my friend, we work closely with George, we can talk about the scenes you’re auditioning for, until he gets here, ok?”

She leaves the room and comes back with blonde # 2 that shakes my hand and sits beside me.

“You know it’s a sensual, nude scene. Right?“ Dominant blonde asks. I nod as they corner me on opposite sides.

“Do you mind if we examine your figure? Only if you’re comfortable, it can simply shorten procedure, as George is looking for a very specific body type” she explains. I agree and get up. “So, what now? Should I just take off my dress?” I ask.

“Sure, whenever you’re ready honey”.

I stand before my blonde audience, lift my dress over my head, wearing only my high heels.

“Oh, wow honey. You’re hot, that’s great. Don’t you think baby?” The dominant blonde looks at her accomplice, while caressing her face. I feel exposed and uncomfortable, but so shockingly aroused.

“You look very swollen, can I look sweetheart?” the dominant blonde asks and pulls me closer to the sofa. Her hand opens my bottom lips, I release an uncontrollable moan. “Sit on the sofa baby, let us help you,” team blonde is slowly positioning me on the sofa and spreads my legs wide apart. “What beautiful holes you have honey, do you mind if we pleasure you? You’ll like it, I promise”.

I’m nailed to my seat, breathing heavily as they start caressing my entire body, pushing their finger in me and pinching my nipples. It feels like an out of body experience, I’m gazing at myself being pleasured by these women and craving every minute of it. I can’t believe I’m so turned on, minutes after cumming.

Blonde # 2 leaves the room for a minute and returns with two double ended dildos. “You know what we’ll do now baby? We’ll double penetrate you, you’ll love it. Don’t worry, we’ll use plenty of lube, and you do seem quite gaped. Did you just get fucked before coming here?”

The mere sound of her dirty talk ravishes me, I’m speechless and charged like never before.

Dominant blond positions me between them, lying on my side like a blow up doll. Blond #2 pushes one side of the dildo into her vagina and the other side into mine, I pant with excitement and anticipation. I can’t see dominant blond behind me, but hear her releasing a groan, penetrating her anus. I can’t wait for them to start abusing my aching body, as I feel a rush of splitting, pleasuring pain, anally tearing me apart. They both start moving inside me, moaning, grabbing my clit and my nipples, kissing my neck and eager lips. “Oh god, you’re torturing me,“ I scream in the heat of passion. They speed up, fucking my holes until I’m ready to explode.

"I’m cummimg, I’m cumming,” I whisper, exhausted and exploited in this immense wonder of pain and pleasure. As I cum, I rub my clit. A splash of hot clear squirt comes flying out of me, covering my entire body with a warm captivating sensation.

Dr. Limor Blockman is a world-renowned clinical sex counselor, practicing as a relationship and family counselor, a sex educator, advice columnist, speaker and author. She holds a PhD in Human Sexuality, an MA in public health and community medicine, and a BA in psychology and behavioral sciences. She has published three bestselling books (published in Hebrew) and reaches people worldwide through print, TV, radio, Internet and video. Find out more about Limor through her website, Facebook or follow her on Twitter @DoctorLimor.